When your kid’s body is developing and changing, they may have questions they are too scared to ask. “What is this growing here?” And “Is this normal or am I going to die?” They may even dread having to receive “the talk” from mom and dad. Before they freak out later down the line after noticing their body changes and cause you to go into full panic mode trying to rush explain everything, prepare yourself on having a conversation about puberty with your kids.
Knowing what to expect can ease a preteen into the next steps of their life. Creating a space where a kid feels comfortable to ask questions and to be themselves is key. Having conversations surrounding this topic can be pretty awkward and tedious. To help break the barrier and ease the tension, here are some topics we can dive into to make talking to your kid about puberty easier.
9 Essential Topics To Cover When Talking To Kids About Puberty
1. What Is Puberty?
Puberty is a process in which a child’s body matures into an adult body that now has the capability to sexually reproduce.
Puberty Signs In Girls:
- Chest Development
- Height Increases
- Body Hair Growth
- Menstruation
- Acne
- Weight Gain In Hips And Thighs
Puberty Signs In Boys:
- Bigger Genitals
- Body Hair Growth
- Voice Changes
- (Gynecomastia) – Chest Development
- Height Increases
- Acne
- Shoulders And Chest Become Broader.
- Muscles Get Bigger
Your kid may not understand what that exactly means or entails at first, but that is why it will be your job to break it down through ongoing conversations so you can build up on what they know and prepare them for the future and what to expect.
Start talking to your child early and be as straightforward as possible. Try to reserve acting embarrassed or ashamed. Fake it till you make it by keeping a confident, direct attitude during the discussion of puberty. Introducing these topics at a very young age can prevent them from being too awkward to discuss when they’re a little older.
Make sure that when talking to them you use proper terms when discussing puberty and the body. Confusing your kids with names such as “cookie” and “tidbits” will make them unlikely to communicate and understand their body parts correctly. Which can be dangerous, especially in a situation of sexual assault.
Reassure them that puberty is normal, and it happens to everyone, boys and girls. Their body will go through certain physical and mental changes for the next period of their life due to the explosion of hormones, which will lead to mood swings and new body smells. And they will be ok, there is nothing to be ashamed of. Both boys and girls should also be aware of the changes each other’s bodies go through so there will not be a gap in information missing.
Now let’s get into the specific details.
2. Hair Growth
Your kid might notice hair popping up everywhere on their body. On their arms, legs, underarms, stomach, chest, genital area, and face. It can be awkward, especially if they are one of the first out of their friends to start growing noticeable hair. Kids may also feel a little embarrassed if they start growing a mustache. They might question “when does it stop?” or “how can I remove it?” You can relax them by telling them Mommy and Daddy grow hair there too and inform them of how important hair is to the body and why it grows.
Maybe your kid does not feel comfortable with their body hair and still wants it removed. Educating them on the different hair removal options like shaving and waxing can improve their self-confidence. But also help them keep in mind that they don’t have to remove their hair if they don’t want to and there is nothing yucky about having body hair.
3. Voice Changes
Imagine how funny we would all sound if we still had the squeaky voices we had as kids. Well, no worries, puberty takes care of that. As you get older your vocal cords will get bigger, which causes your voice to change during puberty.
Having a drastic vocal change can feel like a blessing and a curse. Your kid’s voice might mature before they physically change making it seem like their body is playing catch up. Or they may be the last in their peer group to go through vocal changes, leaving them stuck wondering why their voice hasn’t gotten deeper yet. Everything might feel uncertain for them right now but they can trust that through the voice cracks and awkward timing, they will grow into their new voice.
4. Acne
Acne. The result of multiple hormone changes in a growing kid’s body.
Although your preteen is being bombarded everyday with media showing them that everyone has flawless skin and perfect bodies, help them understand that acne is normal. And most, if not all people get it (even babies). They might also notice they have body acne in addition to facial acne, which is also normal. Acne comes in the form of cysts, pimples, blackheads, etc. Puberty acne starts effecting kids around the ages of 10-13 and typically last 5-10 years. It will usually clear up once they reach their 20s.
There are still ways of combating acne, like washing their face daily, limiting the number of times they touch their face, wearing breathable clothing, and using skin care products. But it’s recommended to speak to a dermatologist first before trying random products, as they would know how to specifically treat their skin.
5. Chest Development
Breast development is usually the first sign that a girl is going through puberty. When breasts start budding (which is usually around 8-13), all the other signs of puberty tend to follow afterwards. Your growing kid might be alarmed at the unevenness of their chest, one breast may be bigger than the other right now but over time they will grow to be the same. You can prepare your preteen by buying them a training bra. This may be more comfortable for them to wear in the coming years while their chest is still developing.
Your son may also notice he has a puffy chest (gynecomastia). That’s nothing to worry about, it’s caused by fluctuating hormones and will leave a couple months/years after his hormones are balanced out.
6. Periods
Seeing blood around your genitals can be scary for a young girl, so discussing periods beforehand will be helpful for them. It’s best to have conversations early on as you can never know when your child begins puberty, it can start as soon as 8 to as late as 16. To minimize the effects of period stigma in your house, it’s best to be as open as possible about menstruation to your kids.
Have Discussions About Feminine Hygiene:
Different Feminine Hygiene Products And Which To Choose
Pads-
• Easy to use as a beginner
• No insertion
• There are a variety of pads available for different flows
• No risk of (TSS) toxic shock syndrome
• Great for sleeping
Tampons-
• More comfortable
• Great for swimming
• Won’t show through thin pants
• Less of a odor
Menstrual Cups -
• Less changes and longer wear
• Environmentally friendly
• Cheaper to buy
How To Use And Discard Feminine Hygiene Items:
How to put on and discard pads?
Put On A Pad
- Choose the pad you will be using.
- Take off the wrappers and place the pad so it is centered underneath your vagina on the underwear.
- If you have wings, fold them behind the underwear to help keep the pad in place.
- Then, put your underwear on to make sure it feels comfortable.
- Voilà, you put on a pad.
To Discard A Pad
- Remove your pad from your underwear.
- Wrap the old pad with the wrapper from the new one.
- If you want to conceal the pad you can also wrap tissue around it before throwing it in the trash.
- Afterwards, wash your hands to make sure they’re clean.
How to insert and discard tampons?
To Insert A Tampon
- First, wash your hands.
- Then sit in a relaxed position with your legs apart and locate where your vagina is.
- While holding the tampon with one hand, open the area around your vagina with the other. (You’re going to want to insert the opposite end of the tampon where the string is hanging from.)
- Place the tip of the tampon in your vaginal opening.
- Slide the tampon in the direction towards your back until you reach the midsection of tampon separating the outer tube and the inner tube.
- You will then push the tampon all the way in and then you are done.
- To mark completion, afterwards you should have a string hanging out from your vagina.
To Discard A Tampon
- After 4 hours, gently pull the string of the tampon until the whole tampon comes out of your vagina.
- Then use toilet paper to wrap the tampon with before throwing it in the trash.
- Afterwards, you should wash your hands again.
How to insert and discard menstrual cups?
To Insert A Menstrual Cup
- Before you use your menstrual cup, you should follow the instructions on how to disinfect and clean it, but generally you will want to clean your menstrual cup by disinfecting it in boiling water for 5 minutes.
- Wash your hands and then sit in a relaxed position with your legs spread apart far enough.
- Fold the menstrual cup to make it easier to insert and spread your vaginal opening, then push the cup into your vagina in the direction towards your back until it is fully in.
- Try to move the cup to ensure that it’s put in properly.
To Discard A Menstrual Cup
- First wash your hands.
- Then sit in a relaxed position and pinch your menstrual cup until the cup’s seal breaks and you can pull it out.
- Pour the contents of the cup into the toilet and then sanitize the cup for next use.
- Afterwards, wash your hands.
It would be helpful to also give a demonstration to your kid on exactly what to do.
How Long Should They Be Used?
How long should I use my pad?
3-4 hours
How long should I use my tampon?
4-8 hours
How long should I use my menstrual cup?
6-12 hours
What Happens If Pads/Tampons/Menstrual Cups Are Worn For Too Long?
Pad:
You might suffer a rash or a yeast infection, and the increase of bacteria can cause you to have a terrible odor.
Tampon:
It can cause infections that leave unpleasant odors and leave you susceptible to (TSS) toxic shock syndrome.
Menstrual Cup:
You can get an infection and risk suffering from (TSS) toxic shock syndrome.
Curious Questions:
Why do pads make so much noise?
It seems like every time you open your pad to use it, it makes this loud noise so the entire world can hear what you are doing, why is that? I guess companies thought what the heck, the louder the better.
As you get older, the feeling of being embarrassed of your period will wear off and such noises will not make a difference to you.
Could birth control stop my period?
Yes, it could. Depending on the birth control, you would be able to skip out on your period. Talk to your doctor about the different types of birth control options and the one that would be best for you.
Is discharge normal?
Yes, white, or clear discharge found on your underwear is normal.
Red flags:
- discharge is a green or yellow color
- thick and chunky
- strong odor
- the area itches or burns.
7. Stretch Marks
Your preteen might start getting stretch marks in various places on their body. Such as their waists, chest, stomach, arms, legs, butt and back. This is because their body is expanding and growing during puberty.
And they are not the only ones, people of all sizes, skinny and big get stretch marks. Even later down the line after puberty, people still get stretch marks from weight gain, pregnancy, or from gaining new muscles by working out.
There have been greater strides to embracing and changing people’s perception of stretch marks on social media. From models and fitness trainers posting unedited pictures of themselves on their social media platforms to mothers posting the realities of what their body goes through during and after pregnancy.
Although social media is usually to blame for the distorted view most of us have on what bodies are supposed to look like, with the recent influx of transparent post on social media that exposes natural bodies, it should be easier to start conversations with your child regarding body positivity and healthy body image. This will help combat your preteen possibly feeling self-conscious about their stretch marks.
8. Bigger Genitals
While going through puberty your child may notice their genitals getting larger while they are developing, their body is preparing them for sexual reproduction. Before this time (which is usually around the ages 9-14), it is important to prepare them for what these serious changes will look like.
Inform them that they can expect hair to grow around their private area. Their genital parts will get bigger and they will also be capable of impregnating a female as their body matures.
Being in a group setting among their peers they might start comparing and joking with their fellow mates about private areas. This can cause insecurity in some boys, which is why it’s important to remind them not to take these jokes seriously. It can also be quite embarrassing for them to get erections at awkward times in public settings, it will be reassuring for them to know that it is perfectly normal and their peers are going through the same thing.
9. Body Odor
PU, what’s that smell? That’s the sign that your kid is on their way to becoming a teenager. Time for frequent showers and the use of deodorant, especially during those scorching summer months when kids get sweaty.
Why exactly do teens get smellier? Hormonal changes (the common culprit) in the body causes these pungent odors.
Other Resources To Check Out:
Websites That Cover Puberty -
Books On Puberty -
The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Younger Girls
It teaches girls (around the age of 8) about puberty and what to expect.
by
The Boys’ Guide to Growing Up
A friendly, reassuring positive guide for boys (ages 9-11) as they approach puberty.
A Girl’s Guide to Puberty & Periods
What’s Happening to My Body? Book for Boys
Puberty Is Gross But Also Really Awesome
A inclusive puberty guide that celebrates the good and completely awful parts of puberty with jokes and countless facts.
Youtube Videos About Puberty -
- https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22192-puberty
- https://health.clevelandclinic.org/voice-changes-what-can-they-tell-you-as-you-age/
- https://www.webmd.com/skin-problems-and-treatments/acne/what-is-acne
- https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/tips-for-managing-teen-acne
- https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/normal-breast-development-and-changes#:~:text=As%20a%20girl%20approaches%20her,system%20also%20starts%20to%20grow.
- https://www.fda.gov/consumers/consumer-updates/facts-tampons-and-how-use-them-safely
- https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/birth-control/in-depth/birth-control-pill/art-20045136
- https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/puberty-adolescent-male#:~:text=In%20boys%2C%20the%20first%20puberty,small%20area%20around%20the%20genitals.
DISCLAIMER: This information does not constitute medical or any professional advice nor is it intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
